Sunday, 13 February 2011

Are we there yet? A Driver's Tale

I had finished packing my suitcase and thought it time to go down to breakfast. Full of anticipation at what the marketing manager would have organised. My heart sank as I looked about the buffet.  The Nigerian breakfasts are loaded with carbohydrate. There were several doughy options, no fruit or vegetables, hard fried eggs, pancakes and toast without any spread. I opted for a thick pancake which came without any topping. I sat with my cup of black tea to chew the pancake. Breakfast I would not miss but the occasional hot water in the shower and the very noisy air conditioning unit in my room I would miss. I must talk to the marketing manager...
At table our driver was upset because he had received a phone call in the night asking him to keep the partying quiet! And that in future he should not take alcohol into his room. Considering there were over 20 students staying in the hotel one suspected that someone else had got their wires crossed. However for a devoutly Muslim man, he was upset to think someone thought he had been drinking and partying. A colleague went to complain to the duty manager that this had happened whilst I tried to pacify him and get him to eat something, given that we had a long journey ahead of us.
The duty manager apologised, driver happy, tried to check out of hotel... The ensuing power cut meant there was a huge delay in printing off room charges and an hour later we were ready to leave.
It was something of a luxury to have a mini bus for five including the driver, so when we found out the Principal had kindly offered an extra five students attending the training, a lift back to Kano, I knew it was to be a hot and claustrophobic journey.
Abuja has terrific roads, but like everywhere else in Nigeria, road traffic accidents are an accepted part of everyday life. Lorries carry far too much weight and mini buses squash double what they are expected to carry in terms of passengers and speeding helps you make more journeys and more money. If your side of the road is gridlocked then drive on the pavement (!) or the other side of the road. Everyone has to maximise their own profit!
In the newspaper the previous day two small paragraphs of writing stated that 28 people had died in two separate accidents between Kaduna and Katsina and Kaduna and Kano. 10 had been burned alive! Abuja has lovely wide roads; the same as a dual carriageway, except you come across junctions where the lights aren’t working. Imagine if you dare that vehicles travelling at speed come to a crossroads where literally 8 lanes of traffic collide, you understand the excitement of it all. Always carry a spare pair of pants... that’s my motto!
Another point to bear in mind is not to offer an opinion on what direction you should travel in with seven Nigerians in the same vehicle. Well one of them had to be right and after an hour we were just leaving the city having taken several wrong turns, when we ended up pointing in the wrong direction again with a flat tyre! I watched the bags at the back of the vehicle, whilst the students and driver put on the spare. An old man passed and asked where we were going, replying Kano he burst into uncontrollable laughter as he tried to point out the fact that we were headed in the wrong direction. A broken down vehicle is a huge attraction for street vendors who appear out of nowhere at a moment’s notice to sell you...well everything! The students took pity on an old woman carrying a baby on her back and a gigantic basket of Yams on her head. They were a good price so they bought the lot. Now to fit them into the van...
Two minutes later, we were on the move complete with Yams falling around the floor and in the safe knowledge that one more u-turn would see us in the right direction. 50 metres later the driver indicated left and pulled over. What happened next was a bit of a whirl, but basically the van was attacked by two traffic police. One over 6 feet 5 inches tall and the other, a black version of Hattie Jacques. She was shouting and complaining as she forced herself into the van, hitting the driver, demanding to see his licence and threatening to arrest all of us. Pulling the vehicle over, we all piled out with the Principal and students pleading with her for mercy as the driver was unaware we couldn’t u-turn and that they had important guests in the vehicle from England. She was eventually ushered away to a safe distance, looking at us occasionally and was then given what she wanted... a little dash! She demanded an introduction to all the white people and after hitting the driver a few more times cheerily waved us off. I really felt sorry for the driver, it was not his day! Accused of drinking and partying, then abused by a ‘Christian’. We still hadn’t left Abuja’s city boundary. We were supposed to leave at 9am and it was now midday. The next four hours went by in an uncomfortably hot blur...
The driver’s mum had been admitted to hospital a few days before for poor breathing and he was glad that the Principal had acceded to his request to make a small detour of an hour to see how she was. Arriving, he was met by his elder sisters and we followed him at his request, to visit his mother.
Hospitals can now be added to my list of Nigerian experiences. There will of course be state of the art hospitals in parts of Nigeria for the very rich. This was considered a good hospital in the medium price range for those that decide to go. You have to pay first before you are admitted. The Female and Paediatric Ward was near the end of the building and was quite a sorry state. We passed some sick children who were obviously poorly and were being looked after by someone in their family. Luckily, the driver’s Mum looked to be on the road to recovery. We introduced ourselves to her and two more of his sisters and then left them alone for a while after a bit of small talk.  Apparently apart from some ancillary staff the hospital ‘functions’ by a visiting doctor doing a morning call and a visiting nurse in the afternoon. I thought the schools were poor in comparison but...
By 7pm we reached Kano central and after stopping to drop people off and briefly buy some bottled water and a water melon; we arrived back ‘home’ – clothes like wet rags and with a numb bottom.

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